Rise of the Planet of the Apes is two things. First, it is a mouthful of a movie title. It really leaves absolutely no question as to what you’re about to watch. If you’re lucky, it’s a prequel to a classic series of films starring Charlton Heston in his iconic role as the last man on an Earth dominated by evolved apes. If you’re not so lucky and have been cursed by youth and/or an inability to appreciate any movie over 10 years old, this is the prequel to a less iconic film starring Mark Wahlberg that documents Tim Burton’s nearly decade-long slide into mediocre movie making.
Second, it’s a very well put together movie that is hopefully another notch in the belt of my theory. Said theory is that since Hollywood is determined to fill the summer with flash and spectacle, the action films that are less ‘boom’ and more ‘think’ are pushed to the edges of summer. What the hell does this mean? It means that the closer to October we get, the better the films will become. Granted, this is only a theory, but it’s one that means a lot to my poor eyes and ears.
There are large swathes of the film that I can’t talk about without them becoming spoilers, and since this movie is actually good and worth your time, I will do my best not to ruin anything if you have not seen the movie.
The film begins with Doctor Will Rodman (James Franco) searching for a cure to his father’s Alzheimer’s. Through a series of unfortunate events, he ends up with the cure and a baby ape. The cure helps his father, ably played by John Lithgow, and the ape, Caesar, becomes a part of the family. Later occurrences in the movie have the cure go from mankind’s savior to its destruction, but you probably could have figured that out just from the trailers.
Aside from those two, there are only a small handful of people who actually matter. Will finds himself a sexy girlfriend in actress Freida Pinto, but unfortunately she serves absolutely no purposes except to nurse Caesar at one point. After that, she is literally just Will’s sexy girlfriend. Tom Felton of Draco Malfoy fame seems to already be typecast as the go-to guy when you need someone to be an asshole douchebag. Granted, he does a fantastic job and he’s also the one who gets to speak ‘the line’ that everyone should expect from a new Apes movie. Otherwise, the only other guy worth noting is Brian Cox, who plays Felton’s father and the guy who runs the ape sanctuary. Yes, there are other people who have important roles in the movie. No, they’re not worth mentioning. Well, except for the apes themselves.
Apparently the crazies at PETA support this movie because no actual apes were used in the entire movie. Every single creature was a CGI invention. This could have been very bad, because as we have seen this summer, there’s been a lot of CGI spectacle where the aliens/creatures/special effects were terribly combined with the live action elements. Well, worry not in this instance. The apes and humans are seamlessly integrated on film. This is a very nice change of pace. Every ape actually looks realistic, and the CGI allows for more man-like nuance on their expressions. While this may not make the movie entirely accurate with regards to reality, it makes the movie easier to follow and much more interesting.
For those fans of the originals, they actually integrate the rise of the apes and the fall of man into this movie. It’s crazy and convoluted, but that’s to be expected from a sci-fi drama action flick. Despite relying on the whole ‘everything must happen in this perfect order’ that many movies, books and TV shows fall back on, everything happens is a very organic way so that you don’t have to suspend belief too much. Well, any more than you need to suspend belief to enjoy a movie about super-smart primates.
Also, they actually throw in some more fan service throughout. For those who pay attention, they will be rewarded with a little bit of info on the astronaut that would eventually become Heston’s character, which also gives you a nice little timeline for this whole alternate universe.
A note of warning: There honestly is absolutely no reason to watch this in theaters. It’s a great film, but none of it is something I would demand must be seen on the big screen. The only reason I say you should go anyways is to support a movie that more than makes up for the Burton failure.
As for my experience in the theater, it was fucking terrible at the start, and then normal for the rest. I got there 15 minutes early and was the first person there. This figured to make it a nice, mostly-empty theater viewing experience. So, of course the next to people to enter the theater sat directly behind me and started kicking and rocking the chair next to me. “Whatever,” I thought. “It’s not even preview time, if they keep this shit up during the movie then I’ll worry about it.”
Of course, it never made it that far, because when there were about 20 people spaced out in this 200-seater, a hipster douchebag sat directly in front of me. That’s seriously fucked up. There were entire rows empty all around me, I’m not sitting in the middle of the theater or in the middle of the row, and this kid just plops his ass down right in front of me. Even worse, he genuinely stank. The breeze from his movements hit me and all I could smell was funk. His hair looked like it hadn’t been washed in a month and the smell verified that fact. The icing on the cake? This 20 year old stinkburger was with his parents. If I were his parents, I wouldn’t let this future college-dropout come home until he sprayed himself down with the hose, at least.
So take heart, noble readers. Your movie going experience should be better than mine. Also, check out a preview for the movie In Time. The premise, at least, looks fantastic. Anyways, you’ll enjoy this movie if you were a fan of the originals. It’s got all the great without any of the cheesy, and it more than makes up for Marky Mark’s turn in the series.
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