Moments after the very first thanksgiving…..tits and a murder!
Unfortunately, things get a little whole lot more boring after that. For a 66 minute flick, it’s unfortunate that we have to spend just enough time getting to know the future victims so that we can (supposedly) care when they are murdered…by a turkey. Also for a 66 minute movie, it does an amazing job of being a by-the-numbers horror film. If nothing else, ThanksKilling proves that you can still have a moderately entertaining horror movie on your hands even after deleting most of the plot, acting and scenes that most other films contain. Actually, I really appreciate how little wasted time each scene contains. After Birdemic’s amazingly long camera pans and silent scene watching, it was nice to view a movie that didn’t lovingly linger on every tree for several excruciating minutes.
The plot of this one is pretty easy, and I’m pretty sure you’ve guessed it by now. There’s a turkey, and it kills people. The long form explanation is that the turkey is really a possessed demon put there by angry Native Americans and rises every 505 years to kill all the white people.
There now, don’t you feel educated?
Here are your potential future victims: Biff, the quarterback. JoeBoge, the dumb fat kid. Slut, the funniest one of the group. Randall, the brainiac and The Other Girl…the other girl. I really have no idea if these are supposed to be high school or college aged kids. Most of them look like they could pass for late teens or early twenties, Randall looks much younger than the rest and the quarterback appears to be an over-tanned 35 year-old. Yeah, that’s all I have to say about that.
As far as the scenes go, every one where the killer turkey ‘hides’ is predicated on everybody else being too stupid to know it’s a turkey in disguise. This is necessary for the sort of horror-comedy that this movie is aiming for, but it’s still really, really dumb. Granted, there are some genuinely funny moments but they only serve to apologize for all the rampant stupid.
There’s self-aware, and then there’s ‘Haahaha look we’re totally making a movie and shit!’ You can guess which camp I place ThanksKilling in.
Look, this isn’t a terrible flick. It’s not a hackneyed attempt at anything, it isn’t delivering a message and it isn’t a fucked up studio film that was raped by the executives before it even had a chance to succeed. This is obviously a movie made by a bunch of guys who just wanted to be funny on camera, show off some special FX skills and entertain. That’s totally cool. I can get behind DIY movies that don’t take themselves seriously, and there are plenty of well-known directors out there who started with a handicam and a dream.
With that being said, it doesn’t mean I have to like everything about ThanksKilling. Even at just over an hour long, some scenes were painfully slow. I can only forgive amateur acting so much, and a few parts were definitely too much for the main characters’ chops. Finally, while Birdemic suffered from not having the actors speak until the camera had been rolling for mind numbingly long seconds, ThanksKilling could have benefited from getting the actors to slow the hell down once in awhile.
So check this out if you need a few quick laughs and don’t mind every third or fourth joke falling flat. Check it out if you love wise-cracking, foul-mouthed animals as your killer. If you hate the fourth wall or would like to see how to make decent special effects with a tiny budget, then you will not waste 66 minutes. It’s far better than Birdemic and had a better use of FX than Avatar: The Last Airbender. It’s a very amateur movie, but it doesn’t apologize for it. I appreciate it for making me laugh a few times and trying to be clever. Unfortunately, nothing special happens and too many of the jokes can be seen coming from a mile away. In the end it’s just too forgettable for it to go on my recommend list.
Note: The quotes below are obnoxious and juvenile. I really have no problem with that, because so was this movie. Thanks again to Joe Cam and Rez for their company.
“It looks like she’s 47…but those titties look 20!”
“So….the turkey is an African American Viking from the hood?”
“Judging by the names, this entire movie was filmed and funded by crack dealers.”
“This is the pilot for ‘The Pennsylvania Shore…that dude’s name is ‘The Inflamation.”
“Oh man…Ted Nugent’s dog died.”
“I am more dedicated to killing you than I am to not brushing my teeth!”
“She can’t die. She hasn’t even shown her tits yet.”
“The physics of a turkey driving a car make my head hurt.” “As opposed to wielding an axe and firing a shotgun?”
“Everybody wants Biff.”
“Fuck Ohio! This all makes sense now!”
“And THAT is how you prevent unwanted pregnancy.”
“At least there weren’t two turkeys to spit-roast her.”
“FUCK YEAH! BOOKS!”
“Crawl into that tauntaun, Randall!”
“Crawl into that tauntaun, Randall!”
“Gay predator vision engaged.”
For the inside jokes:
“Joe, put your cleavage back in!”
JoeBoge is based on two of my best friends who happen to be larger gentlemen, and one of them also has a habit of partying to the extreme.
“This is Gobbleskat if he were smaller and couldn’t stop swearing.”
Also: Gravy-flavored condoms?
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