This evening I accepted the challenge to make my first Netflix review The Last Airbender, that 4/10 IMDB rated live-action version of the Nickelodeon cartoon. As a fan of the original series, I had deliberately avoided seeing this when it came into theater. Will this movie be as bad as I expect? The following is a play-by-play of my experience watching this movie on my XBox, in a party with a few friends.
-Unfortunately, Netflix Party mode does not let my avatar ‘emote’ giving the screen the finger.
-How can Air Nomads be a nation? They’re NOMADS. They have no land!
-Ten minutes in and the dozen different accents are pissing me off. Where the fuck did the Italian dude come from?
-I’m going to assume that the director wanted the challenge of finding a child martial artist and teaching him to act, rather than finding a real actor and teaching him the two dozen martial arts actions he would need to perform on screen.
-I think all the child actors are legitimately frightened of the camera. That’s the only explanation for their constant wide-eyed, hundred yard stares.
-Actual dialogue: “I will stop them!” (said with conviction.) “Will I stop them?” (said less than ten seconds later.) Yes, the main character apparently has Alzheimer’s.
-It appears that every adult actor has placed a bet to see who can seem the most disinterested.
-The XBox party (all males) has just randomly broken out into “I Want It That Way,” and it is officially the best part of the film so far.
-This film would be a fantastic, high-concept comedy if everyone had simply delivered their lines with a different facial expression. Seriously, that’s all it would take.
-…yet the guy playing Sokka is STILL a better shitty actor than Hayden Christensen.
-We all agree, Jackson Rathbone’s IMDB picture makes him look like a complete douche. (Also, the kind of guy who doesn’t say no to using a few roofies or three.) Please, please, please, take that photo down, guy who is only famous for being in terrible movies like this and Twilight.
-There are four of us in the Party. One is reading a book, one is surfing the web, one is playing Words With Friends and I am trolling IMDB. There are still 30 minutes left in the movie.
-They’ve just used the word ‘spirits’ roughly 50000 times in 30 seconds.
-This movie needs more Nic Cage.
-Goddamn it….twice now the Party mode has kicked everyone out for no reason, forcing us to watch a buffering screen for waaaaay too long.
-The only thing keeping me sane is the incessant insults we are all hurling at the screen like so many rocks.
- I think someone is crying, but I can't be certain that it isn't me.
- I think someone is crying, but I can't be certain that it isn't me.
-I kinda hope Hollywood never gives M. Night Shamalamadingdong any movie ever again.
-Correction: No movie with a budget over $15. Yes, fifteen dollars.
-Just in time for the ending…everyone turns British.
All in all, this was an absolutely terrible film. Especially as a huge fan of the original series, it really pains me to see untested actors being given directions by someone who is already known in Hollywood as a terrible, horrible director. M. Night absolutely needs talented actors to offset his lack of directorial skills. In the hands of someone else with a better appreciate for the source material this could have been a mediocre film at worst. In these hands, it was an absolute debacle.
Special thanks to Zeiram, MrFreight and JoeCam for sitting through this fiery turd with me!
As I stated during the movie, Nomads = Nation is from the show.
ReplyDeleteI have to agree with others that the editing was the biggest fault of the movie, then followed by the related problem that the movie tells instead of shows. I didn't mind the acting, but all the talking over the movie softened that blow.
-Zeiram