That's My Boy

            Today is a special day.  In honor of Father’s Day, I decided to watch a film about father and son bonding.  However, I don’t have any children of my own, and even if I did, they’d be far too young to watch an R rated Adam Sandler flick.  So, I got off my ass and perfected my time machine.  Of course, as my first act of abusing the technology, I went back and found the 1999 version of me.  Then I grabbed the chubby little bastard and plopped him down into a movie theater.  That’s right, I made 18 year old me watch and review That’s My Boy. 

On to the review!

So, Adam Sandler looks a lot older, but man he still knows how to be hilarious.  Sure, Billy Madison and Happy Gilmore were better, but I’ll bet Sandler has never had a single flop!  The dude is just hilarious all the time. 

This time, he’s some washed-up 80’s child star that totally boned the crap out of his hot teacher and got her pregnant.  He never really grew up, so I guess his kid was raised pretty poorly and eventually ran away.  I guess I can’t blame him too much.  I would probably get pretty boring, being allowed to do anything you want whenever you want to do it.  Plus, I’d have a problem too if my dad drank Budweiser all the time and hung out at a strip club/breakfast bar.  The strippers I could deal with, but Budweiser?  Ewww.  He should be drinking Labatt Blue or maybe Smirnoff Ice.  That shit’s awesome.

Anyhow, his character Donny goes looking for his son Han Solo (Andy Samberg) who changed his name to Todd, because he was that ashamed of his family. Todd ran off and became kind of a douchey Wall Street guy and is now about to get married.  Donny, meanwhile, is going to go to jail if he doesn’t pay the IRS about $50,000 in back-taxes.  So he comes up with a scheme.  If he can get his son to go with him to see mom in jail, some Jerry Springer kinda guy will film it for his show and pay Donny just enough to stay out of prison.

So Donny finds out where Todd is thanks to some magazine cover, and crashes the party.  Todd and his fiancé Jamie (Leighton Meester) plan to get married in just a few days, and Donny has to pretend to be Todd’s best friend because Todd told everyone his parents died in an explosion.  This is only the first 30 minutes or so of the film.  Once all the plot stuff is out of the way, all the crazy stuff happens.  Like, Sandler makes stuff up all the time and acts like a drunken party animal.

There are strippers, drugs, booze, and lots of swearing.  At one point a stripper is upside-down on a pole and trying to drink orange juice.  It’s so dumb!  There are also lots of sex and masturbation jokes.  At one point, Jamie tastes something on her dress to find out if it’s sperm.  Later, Donny jacks off to the idea of someone’s grandmother, then he and Vanilla Ice (!!!) have a threesome with grandma. 

Oh yeah, Vanilla Ice is in this!  He’s Uncle Vinny, and they even get ‘respectable’ actors like James Caan and Susan Sarandon to do silly stuff, like beat up a dude or talk dirty.  It’s a pretty fun time, and there are lots of laughs.  But man, talk about pushing the envelope! They use statutory rape and incest as plot points!  How crazy is that?

Anyhow, it was pretty damn funny, and I’m glad future me brought me here for what is obviously the funniest movie of the summer.  It’s good to look into the future and know that Adam Sandler will always be funny.