Because I know you’re going to see Brave no matter what I say, I’ll review
this week’s other blockbuster release.
There’s nothing like a nice biopic about one of America’s greatest
Presidents, and how he waged a secret battle for our nation’s soul.
On to the review!
AbrahamLincoln: Vampire Hunter (AL:VH) is not based on a true story, but it would
have been pretty cool if it had been. In
fact, the moodiness and over-dramatization of the entire thing would have fit
well inside the same universe as True
Blood. Maybe we can pretend they’re
the same timeline.
In AL:VH we follow Lincoln’s life from childhood until just after the
Gettysburg Address. We get to see a
vindictive vampire kill his mother, thus setting him on the path to becoming a master
vampire slayer. Of course, movies like
these always require awkward starts, so Lincoln (Benjamin Walker) fails
epically in his quest for vengeance. His
life is saved only through the intervention of Henry Sturgess (Dominic Cooper),
a man who has his own reasons for seeing vampires fall.
Fortunately, we get the training
montage out of the way early in the film so Lincoln can move to a ‘big city’ in
Illinois and start his new career in earnest.
This is also where we get to meet a few Firefly alums, as Lincoln meets
Mary Todd (Mary Elizabeth Winstead) and her fiancé Stephen Douglas (Alan
Tudyk). Of course, despite his master’s
repeated urgings to make no friends and stay aloof, Lincoln falls hard for Mary
Todd and they eventually wed.
It is during this second act that
we’re introduced to the real bad guys, as apparently vampires have been in the
New World for centuries, and the south is basically their playground. Thanks to slavery enabling them to feed at
will, their terrors are mistaken for cruel slave masters. The cruelest of all is Adam (Rufus Sewell),
the most powerful vampire in America, and possibly the world. Dun-dun-duuuun!
It’s the third act where things get
a bit slow, as they must show Lincoln’s ascension to the Presidency. At this point the movie has to lay out the
reasons for the Civil War, kill off a main character to give Lincoln his final
motivation and blah blah blah fight on a train.
At this point I’d like to say that AL:VH is at its best when it is
deliciously, gloriously over-the-top. A
movie about the President being a secret monster slayer should never take
itself seriously. Unfortunately, this
one does just that from time to time, especially during the third act. Fortunately, when the action is unfolding it
is a fun, wild ride. There is a long
fight scene between Lincoln and a vampire target that takes place in the middle
of a wild horse stampede, and it’s amazing.
Later, the final act’s train sequence goes on forever (in a very good
way.) It’s when the characters stop to
speak that the movie tends to drag, making this 105 minute film feel like it
was nearly three hours long.
A set of bonus points for AH:VH is its use of 3D technology. It has been a long time since I felt I could
recommend seeing a film in 3D, but this one actually utilizes it well. They manage to bring us a film that isn’t
dark, murky and bland. Plus, several of
the effects are brilliant.
On the down side, I’ve got to say
something about matinee 3D movies. Theaters,
if you’re showing a 3D movie and the film does not auto-focus, I don’t care
what time of day it is. Please have
someone watching over the projector at the start of the film to make sure the
3D is working properly. This is the
second time in a row that I’ve had to find someone to focus the film, and the
second time that the first few minutes of the movie I paid $10 to see ruined.
I’m also really sick of seeing the
trailer for The Great Gatsby in
eye-distorting out-of-focus 3D. Though,
even if I could figure out what was going on, I probably would be sick of
seeing the trailer for The Great Gatsby.
All told, AL:VH is better than I thought it would be but not as good as I had
hoped for. The acting is fine and the
plot makes about as much sense as you would assume, but the dialog drags. While the action scenes are fantastic and
entertaining, everything that happens between axe swings and thrown punches
runs the gamut from boring to painfully boring.
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