Red State

So, here's a movie that a few of you have already seen.  It's one that some of you absolutely rabidly couldn't wait for.  It's one that most of you have never even heard of.  Many of you probably won't even care after reading this review.  But after months of anticipation....RedState!

            Well, I guess I should be glad I wasn't anticipating this more than any other movie that mildly piques my interest, because that's my emotions were only mildly stimulated by the film. 

            Before I go any further, I am a huge Kevin Smith fan.  I own almost all his movies, and some of them in both DVD and Blu-ray.  But I'm not a Kevin Smith fanboy.  In fact, when I think about it, I'm not a real fanboy of any single person, be they actor, writer or director.  If they do something that doesn't entertain me, I'm not going to make excuses for it.  On the flip side, I'm not going to get all butthurt and scream about how they're 'letting down their fans' and all that bullshit. 

            I'm 30 years old.  I've never been so into any one thing that I defended it blindly.  First off, I wasn't very good at defending things verbally, and second, it just didn't make sense.  We have different things because there are people with different tastes.

            Anyhow, Red State is Kevin Smith's commentary on the ridiculousness of religious zeal from a pseudo actiony-horrory-torture porn point of view.  The movie starts off with three horny teenagers heading over to a hot chick's house for a 3-on-1 orgy of sorts.  Then they get drugged and kidnapped by the Five Points Church, which ably fills in for the Westboro Baptist Church in this fictional land.

            The kids are to be 'punished' by the true believers in Christ for their blasphemous ways via the wonderful act of shooting them to death.  Of course, since this is a holy place they will first be Saran Wrapped to a cross.

            Just as the film starts to turn into a horrific Hostel-type film where the three teens try to get away from these crazies before they're all killed, the movie shifts gears and becomes a hostage crisis movie starring John Goodman. 

            I will give Red State credit where it is due.  The people who live and the people who die are not always the ones you would expect, and how they die is often very surprising.  The dialog in the beginning and end of the movie is easily recognizable as Kevin Smith, and Michael Parks' crazy preacher character has a very interesting, stirring speech placed at just the right point to slow the entire movie down to a crawl.  Despite how well Parks does with his character, the timing and the length of the speech is just wretched.

            All in all, Red State is not going to sell you on Kevin Smith if for some reason you don't know who he is.  This is the only movie like it from this director, and I have to say that it's probably a good thing.

            Other than some sudden deaths, everything is pretty by-the-book, and there's nothing in this film that hasn't been done better somewhere else.

            I don't think this is Smith's Punch Drunk Love, where true fans of his totally ignore him because of how different and out there it is, but I do think it was just a weird place to go.  I like what he had to say, because I agree with him about both the ridiculousness of government and religious fervor without abandon.

            I just wish it was put together a little bit better.

            Red State is a decent party movie in the second half, but you sure miss a lot of dialog in the first half if you're not paying close attention.  Check it out if you're a fan, I'm sure you'll find at least a few things to love.  If you're a fan of Hostel-type movies, you'll enjoy parts of it.  Still, you might wanna just skip this and go watch Hostel again, or Feast if you need to see a member of the View Askewniverse get murdered.

Joe Cam, Sean, (mostly) Christie, Black Chad and a random dude who snuck in because Joe forgot to change the setting to private were the guests.  Thanks all for a good time of making fun of everything!

As usual, blah blah blah, we are talking, movie is in italics.

"Don't trust the unshowered hippie with a gun, he'll hurt himself."

"I wanna know what Kinko's Kevin Smith went to to get those signs made. " (Anal Penetration = Eternal Damnation)

"I'm outta beer boys, it's time for the gross Grandma fuckin'."

*At this point we have a 5 minute conversation about my trip to a fundamentalist Church.*

"I this cage, we got a Jew....we must convert him!"

"I loved the fact that everyone else in the congregation just smiled and nodded when he was tazed." "I think this is a hint that it might not be your regular congregation." "I don't know what you're talking about."

"Let's go burn some books!"

"Oh my God, there's someone under the sheet! " "It's the Holy Ghost! " "He has risen!"

"Are they gonna beat someone to death with the Bible?  That'd be awesome. "

"So we take the children, and we take them out back and play 'beat you with a rubber hose' because Jesus loves you. " " No, we take 'em down to Popeye's because everyone loves that chicken! "

"Well, he is a teenager.  They react much more slowly than us normal folk. "

Watch out for that gay saliva, it can turn ya. "There's no need to explain that any further. "

"This really should be a long commercial on the strength of industrial Saran Wrap. "

"He plays a pot dealer on Breaking Bad. " "Well, he apparently forgot to not looked stoned when playing a cop. "

"Because Saran Wrap breaks when you believe enough. "

"'Cause y'know...nothing says Jesus like an AK-47. "

"Pete!  Are you dead now Pete?  PETE!  Did you find my stapler, Pete!? "

 "Bill and Silent Ted's Excellent Adventure Strikes Back!  Get on that! " "Silent Jeb and the Wandering Dogma. "

"He's gonna miss, that kid has never fired a gun before. "  "But he's played Call of Duty. "  "Don't worry guys, I've played Halo, I got this! "  "I was hoping they'd have a plasma sword down there, but this is what I've got. "

"Stop hitting my butt buddy. "

"Yeah, fuck that gate!"

"He's channeling his inner Matt Dillon."

"It's in the bylaws.  In case of shoot-outs, do arts and crafts."  "Macaroni and glitter art."

"I'm puttin' you on the corner to make some money."

"It's the brown note!"

"It's opposite day.  We only shoot you if you want to live."

"The U.S. government does not kill people."  "We misplace them, and they're never heard from again."

"No, he's got Jesus tattooed on his dick.  He's got Moses parting the Red Sea on his ass."

The Thing/Paranormal Activity 3

Today I am going to give you a nice review of both (BOTH!) of your horror movie options for October, 2011.  It's kinda sad, but yes, there are only two films currently out on wide release that fit the horror film definition.  On the plus side, neither of them are a new Saw or Final Destination, and there are no gritty reboots of classic fright flicks to disappoint you.

            I'm going to put up both movie reviews in this post, but I'll give you a nice visual indication between the two, just in case you only want to read about one of them.  Because, y'know.  You might be afraid of ghosts and not want to read about Paranormal Activity 3, or you might be John Carpenter and not want to read about what they did to ruin your mythology with a prequel.

            On to the review(s)!

            The Thing, despite having the exact same name as John Carpenter's 1982 classic that was based on 1951's The Thing From Another World that was based on the 1938 novella 'The Thing From Another World' is actually a prequel.  For those of us who have an unhealthy love of the Kurt Russel classic, we can recall that the 'thing' had originated from a discovery made by a neighboring Norwegian outpost.  Well, this unnecessary prequel shows us exactly what happened at the Norwegian camp.

            The only actors you need to know or care about are Mary Elizabeth Winstead (Kate) and Joel Edgerton (Sam), two out of three Americans that are part of this story, because Hollywood would never make a movie with a non-American as the main character.  That would just be silly.  Also, it's the lazy way of ensuring most of your dialog is in English.

            Kate is some sort of frozen animal expert, so she is asked to fly up to the Arctic and help the team of Norwegian scientists study an alien found a few yards away from a downed spaceship.  Oh, I'm sorry.  didn't I mention the spaceship?  Here's where this prequel suffers.  It's not enough to make a movie and tie it into a beloved film.  They have to do it BIGGER and BETTER.  Or, in this case, dumber and louder.

            After the obligatory introduction time, the film gets good.  I mean, really good.  They capture the look and feel of the Carpenter film by having the alien hunt, kill and absorb the crew.  The middle hour perfectly imitates the claustrophobic tension that I loved from the earlier versions.  Everyone is trapped in a wooden building, hunted by a mimic shapeshifter that can only be harmed by fire, and outside is a below-freezing desolate wasteland.

            Then it all goes downhill when SPACESHIP.  I'm not going to go any farther, except to say that The Thing (2011) would be a great movie if they cut the last 30 minutes off or got rid of any evidence of SPACESHIP.

            As you can expect from a horror movie where you pretty much know how it's going to end thanks to being a prequel coming out 29 years later, most everyone is only there to die.  The acting is pretty much on par with that.  Nobody puts in a particularly memorable scene, and I'd have to say the only guy I really liked in the film was Kristofer Hivju as Jonus.  Partially because he was awesome, partially because of his beard, and partially because he was the only guy who wasn't magically bilingual. 

            As far as the special effects go, it's both good and bad.  Good, because the creature's shapes are genuinely horrific and creepy.  Bad, because despite all the money they put into the CGI, it's merely as good as the old-fashioned effects from 1982, when it should have been much better.

            If you're looking to kill some time, check it out.  It will entertain you, but if you're a genuine fan of any earlier movies in the 'series' you will be disappointed.  It's no 1982 The Thing, but it's still better than other attempts at shapeshifting films like Mimic.

            Paranormal Activity3, however, falls directly into the same category of The Last Exorcism and Paranormal Activity 2:  If you stop the movie before the final scene, it is really, really fucking good.  It's that final act that jumps the shark and ruins the entire movie.

            Before I go any farther on this one, I want to point out that if you didn't like the first two, or if supernatural horrors just aren't your thing, then this isn't going to change your mind.  There's nothing special about PA3 that will make you a believer or convince you to go back and check out other films in the genre.  Also, I'm a huge fan of the genre, so expect a more positive style from me than you usually get.

            The first Paranormal Activity was a well-done, extremely cheap surprise hit.  Of course, that meant that the studio was obligated to pump out a few sequels.  The only credit I can give to the studios is that they at least tried to keep what worked, and what worked just so happened to be the type of horror I love.  You can find ghost stories in every culture, because the best thing about them is that the individual gets to fill in the blanks.  It's one thing to have Freddy or Jason fucking up a bunch of kids during a 90 minute film, but it's another thing to have your antagonist be completely unknown and unknowable.  That's why Poltergeist can still give people nightmares almost 30 years later.

            PA3 doesn't venture too far from what made the first two work, and it tries to tie together the trilogy (please dear God don't let there be any more).  It does this by going back in time and showing what happened to the sisters Katie and Kristi when they were just precocious little kids.  It's mentioned a few times in the first two, so now you get to see it all with your own eyes thanks to 80's style cinematography.

            It turns out that, conveniently, the girls' mother is dating a wedding videographer which, I guess was quite the cutting-edge job back in 1988.  We set the scene with a birthday party and show you just how happy the family is and just how much the little kids love their mom's new boyfriend. 

            We get our first hint that something may be amiss when little Kristi (Jessica Tyler Brown) develops a bond with an imaginary friend, Toby.  Toby doesn't seem to be the happy-go-lucky type of invisible friend.  In fact, Kristi can't even talk about him because then she'll be 'punished' by Toby.  Seriously, invisible friends are total douchebags these days.  The boyfriend, Dennis (Christopher N. Smith (holy shit am I getting sick of middle names)) gets suspicious after his failed attempt at a sex tape shows something odd and sets up some totally awesome 6-hour VHS recorders.  He puts one in the room he shares with his girlfriend and the other goes in the girls' room. (Insert terrible joke about the good ol' days having less mistrust, allowing a well-meaning guy to videotape two girls sleeping without being seen as a complete creep.)

            As more creepy crazy stuff goes down, Dennis quite ingeniously attaches a camcorder to the base of an oscillating fan so that it can monitor the kitchen and living room.  Then we get our mid-movie scares.  There are some really good ones ranging from the good ol' 'boo!' fake out to genuinely creepy, crazy stuff.  It may no longer be the super low budget sort of film like the first Paranormal Activity, but I still appreciate just how nice little they show and how much they leave up to the imagination.

            Then, unfortunately, demons.  I know they hinted at demons and spirits and possession in the first two films, and the ending of PA2 really indicated that some sort of possession was at play, but this one tries really, really hard to tie everything together via demons.  Also, witches.  Fuck.

            I still liked this better than the second movie, but the whole series is losing its charm.  On a sliding scale of horror sequels, I would easily put Paranormal Activity above any Nightmare On Elm Street between 4 and 8 and better than any Poltergeist sequel.  Especially the third one of those.  Yeesh.  It's still not an improvement on the series, but hopefully they've written themselves into a corner as far as the home video shtick goes.  Now the only place they have to go is the Blair Witch 2 route, and we can all hope THAT never happens.

The Big Year

              I think this movie proves to me, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that just because you like an actor it doesn't mean you're going to like everything they do.  Now, I'm not one of those jackwads that scream betrayal the moment an artist does something different.  It's one thing to be a fan of someone's comedy/music/writing, it's another thing to be the one doing it.  Sometimes I can't play a 40 hour video game that I actually like without getting bored and wandering off for weeks at a time.  Imagine having to do the same damn thing all day every day?  Yet another metal set?  Yet another comedy routine?  Shit, how many times can I fall over on cue before I just don't wanna get up again?

            The best thing that we, as fans, can do is hope that we like the artist's new project.  I enjoyed Adam Sandler's turn at drama in Punch Drunk Love.  I really liked when Robin Williams went creepy-dramatic in One Hour Photo.  I didn't so much like Linkin Park's descent into incomprehensible pseudo-reggae.  I know it's hit and miss. 

            Fortunately for me, I like all three lead actors in The Big Year.  Jack Black, Owen Wilson and Steve Martin are all at different stages of their careers, but they've all tried to do different things now and then, and that doesn't bother me.  Good for them.  The downside is that this time, I don't think 'different' necessarily means 'good.'

On to the review!

            First off, I just want to let you know that this movie is perfectly okay.  Absolutely, positively serviceable.  There is nothing offensive or upsetting or crazy or scary or even vaguely interesting in The Big Year.  In fact, it is a giant, mildly entertaining void that will fill 100 minutes of your life.  Hell, I'll go one step farther and claim that this is the absolute safest first date movie I have ever seen.   Especially if your significant other really likes birds!

            What, didn't you know that?  The Big Year is built entirely around birding.  That's what a big year is: when someone tries to see as many birds in North America as possible from January 1st to December 31st.

 Aaaaand, there's your plot. 

           

            Both Jack Black (Brad) and Steve Martin (Stu) have decided to do a big year, but reigning champion Owen Wilson (Kenny Bostick) is an absolutely bird-obsessed and winning-obsessed individual who just, y'know, tries to see a few hundred birds before May just to scare off any possible competition.  Just like any other well-adjusted individual.

            The difference between Brad and Stu is that Brad is a schlubby middle-aged man who hates his job and has no savings while Stu is a newly-retired corporate millionaire who wants to take a stab at the big year before he's just too old to do it.  Bostick, meanwhile, is on his third (fourth? eighth?) wife because he treats every year as a big year until he's certain nobody is trying to challenge his world record.

            There you have it.  The entire plot.  Of course, there's some betrayal, there's some goofy shit, there's some drama and comedy lots and lots of birds.  The problem is that nobody is really trying.  It's just weird to see Jack Black play a normal guy (although they do have him fall over a few times just to remind you that 'Hey look, it's that funny chubby guy that falls down!').  It was during his second or third ass-plant that I began to wonder if this is what we would have been seeing Chris Farley or John Belushi doing in their late 30's or early 40's had they calmed down and gotten off the drugs. 

            The women in this movie are just there because to be nothing but guys would be even weirder than a movie built around bird watching.  Stu's wife is supportive and misses him, Brad is just trying to get a girl and Bostick's seventeenth wife is getting fertility treatments and hoping her husband knocks it the hell off and tries to become a father.

            You can absolutely predict where everything is going.  Again, there is nothing at all dangerous in this PG film.  The only thing I really liked was Owen Wilson's character.  Though he never loses his typical Owen Wilson charm, it was actually fun to watch him play a character who is kind of a selfish douche.  Even though The Big Year makes the bad guy just a slightly flawed human being, there are a few clever uses of his character's willingness to mess with the competition just to get ahead.

            I'm really not sure how it's going to do in theaters, but I really think my tried and true 'Google test' steered me wrong this time.  My wife and I attended a prime 715 showing on a Friday night and the theater wasn't even a third full. 

            The Big Year is kind of like a few bites of a food you like but don't love.  It won't fill you up and you certainly won't hate it, but it's not going to do much for you in the long run.  I still think 50/50 is a better 'date' movie because the girl is going to cry at some point and the guy can use that opportunity to make 'the move.'

Netflix'd: R.O.T.O.R.

R.O.T.O.R.

           

            You do not need to know R.O.T.O.R. stands for.  You DO need to know that all the voices seem dubbed over, even though it's an American film.  There is nothing you can do to make this music any more 80's, cheesy and terrible.  There is also nothing you can do to make this movie less terrible.  The crazy robot cop rampage responsible for the title of this film doesn't occur until well into the second half of the film.  In fact, we paid so little attention to this film that there's a good chance I'm about to lie to you.  Neither of us should feel bad about it.

            So there's a business that makes robot cops.  Their best and brightest is a crappy 50's style hypochondriac robot made out of plastic and dryer ventilation.  Apparently that's where ROTOR (Robotic Officer Tactical Operation Research) comes in.  This company is building a humanoid robot cop to clean up the streets, because the 80's were pretty horrific.  This is basically a terrible, terrible, terrible Robocop knockoff.

            All of the actors are forgettable.  So forgettable, in fact, that almost none of them have pictures on IMDB.  The entire first half of the movie is incredibly boring and crappy, before getting action-packed and boring and crappy for the second half.  This movie is worst of everything:  Shitty acting, terrible special effects, incoherent plot that doesn't kick in until everyone is already bored out of their mind.  I have nothing to say other than, fuck this movie.  It has 2 stars on IMDB, but a 51% on RottenTomatoes.  Either there are a shit load of potheads watching this movie and loving every minute, or Hollywood really is an evil bastard.

            The robot's weakness?  Car horns.  He can walk through walls and beat up rednecks all day long, but he can't take a car horn.  I have nothing to recommend this movie, as everything is hackneyed and dumb.  There are movies that are so bad they're good, or so cheesy they're goofy, even movies that are so silly you can't help but enjoy it.  This is none of those.  It's irredeemably bad.  Awful.  Terrible.  Do not watch this movie.  If have seen it, then I am sorry.  If you haven't, keep it that way.  The movie is so cheap and terrible in a bad 80's way that they DRAW a goatee on a white guy and make him pretend to be Hispanic, and somehow you just know they didn't do it for laughs, but because the filmmakers were just that stupid.

           

            This film was recommended/requested by David Hsu, and it's unanimous that we hate him.  Because of this.  Forever.

As always, our remarks are in normal font, the film is in italics.  Special thanks to Joe Cam, Sian, Kat, Jacob, and Jacob's roommate Jon for watching this with me, and Black Chad for chatting with us even though he couldn't see the film.

"This has all the writing of X-Strikes first movie, and none of the charm."  "Oh, that's gay."

"This is the kind of music made by a guy who couldn't cut it in the 80's porn music industry."

"One man, one wang, one man with a wang, on a mission to protect the world."

Sing the following in a country voice:

"Gotta take my diabeetus pills." 

"Eat some goddamn carrots."

"I wake up early and beat my wife."

Okay, now stop singing.  Please.

"Danger, danger Will Robinson, danger!"

"I wonder if that's a Hispanic robot since it's cleaning."  "That's racist."  "Jorje-5 is alive!"

"I just heard that robot say 'The Germans defecated livers, sir.'"

"I think that can of Coke paid for 90% of the special effects."

"This guy is eye-fucking me right now."

"Wait, this cowboy is the scientist?  I thought he was the taxi driver or something."

"Where's the ice cream truck?"  "Is he afraid, or turned on?"

"That hair is like a bowl cut and a mullet at once."

"C'mon baby, we're goin' to the Golden Corral."

"Oh my God, he programmed a horny asthmatic Jew as a robot cop."

"He looks like he wants to be Dancin' on the Ceiling."

"That really does look like the Brady Bunch house, holy shit."

"Holy shit that guy's beard is painted on!"

"Did he just call him monkey?  What the fuck?"  "I think he said Mokie, but that's still fucked up."

"In the 80's you could judge a woman by the size of her hair, the bigger it is the more vapid."  "Yes, and the larger her shoulder pads the more evil she is."

"Back into him at 2 miles an hour, that'll teach him."

"I'd take this film much more seriously if his leather pants didn't have back in them."  "So, you like your robot cops to wear assless chaps?" "Yes."

"It's like a chainsaw set on frappe."  "What..?"  "I think I need to set my chainsaw tomorrow to see if it's got a frappe setting."

"This movie brought to you by Coca-Cola aaaaaand shitty acting."

"It's a rainbow holographic sticker on his helmet!  He's a rainbow gay robot cop!"

"That guy looks like Danny McBride if he got buff."

"I found the angriest lesbian I could."  "I have a feeling she would rip us apart like a phone book."

"The shame is that we were too young to experience all the cocaine that went into this film."

"She has a 5 o'clock shadow."  "If those two were to have kids, she would just pop out bricks.  Actual, literal bricks."

"She's gonna bench press us, then fuck us and not cuddle afterwards."

"You don't happen to know any good Indian trackers, do you?"  "You don't happen to know any good stylists, do you, skunk-head?"

"So she's not fighting him, she's actually hitting on him."  "This is her foreplay."

Real Steel is a Real Steal

Real Steel is not an original film.  It is an amalgamation of several different films all rolled into one.  It's a family drama, an underdog story, and a redemption film and it's not necessarily all that good. 

But I really liked it.  Well, most of it.  Because of one single member of the cast.

Onto the review!

            At times, this really is Rock 'Em Sock 'Em Robots: The Movie.  The premise is that the field of robotics and mankind's need for bigger and better violence eventually pushed real boxers out of the entertainment world and replaced it with WRB: Worldwide Robot Boxing.  It's now the year 2027 and times are tough for anyone who was pushed out of the boxing world.

            The way the movie was designed, our hero is Charlie Kenton (Hugh Jackman).  He's a former boxer who now fights, poorly, in the underground robot boxing world.  You see, Charlie is a loser.  A complete, worthless, untrustworthy jackass of a loser.  We open the movie with him sleeping off a bender in the back of his truck.  He is awoken by a phone call from one of his many debtors.  Then he tries to milk five bucks out of a group of kids asking to take a picture of his fighting robot.  You see, Real Steel is not subtle.  Five minutes into the movie and you know Charlie is just a total jerkwad.

            After he loses his boxer and a major bet, we get the wheels spinning on this plot.  You see, it turns out that about 12 years ago he got a woman pregnant.  That woman is now dead and her 11 year old son is, by law, his to raise.  After another scene that further shows how terrible a person Charlie is, an agreement is reached that Charlie will take his son, Max (Dakota Goyo) for the summer and then hand him over to his rich Aunt.

            THIS is where the film gets good.  I say this because the movie's heart is in Max.  Though the trailer wants you to think that Real Steel is about Charlie's redemption, it's not.  It's about Max redeeming his father.  This kid is the film's heart, brains, humor and cockiness.  He gets every good line and is hands-down the best actor in this thing.

            Over the course of the next 90 minutes, you get to see Max turn his father into a caring, loving, brave father who really, really doesn't deserve it.  The screenplay gives you absolutely no reason to believe Charlie's change of heart, but it's yet another example of 'scumbag grows a heart after an outside presence shows him what's missing.' 

            Of course, we do throw in a love interest for Charlie in the form of Bailey (Evengeline Lily), who is the daughter of his deceased boxing coach.  Bailey adds a bit of backstory and emotional depth to Charlie's life, but that's her only purpose, really.  Everyone else that shows up is either a 'friend' who helps Max and Charlie out, a competitor or a random bad guy.  You will have no problems identifying the role of everyone who shows up on screen.  In fact, I daresay you'll even be able to correctly guess whether or not they ever appear again and when.

            That's the problem with Real Steel.  It's predictable.  It's Rocky and Over The Top and Pay It Forward and all sorts of other movies all rolled into one.  Hugh Jackman is the star whose job is to bring in the audience, but young Goyo is the real reason to stick around the theater.  I'm really not exaggerating when I say that this kid may very well be the next Haley Joel Osment.  His IMDB bio shows that this isn't his first film, but I've never seen a kid carry a film so well, so effortlessly, and so entertainingly. 

            And entertain it was.  By the time the movie ended, predictably or not, there were people in the audience clapping and bouncing in their seats.  People were smiling, kids where cheering, and parents were glad they took their kids to see this movie.  Even before that, people were sniffling and teary-eyed during the dramatic scenes, and laughing during the comedic ones.  The only weird thing to note is that every single audience reaction was directly related to Max.  Nobody laughed or cheered at Charlie or Bailey or anyone else.  There were no 'awww's when they predictably kissed.  But when Max was dancing with his robot, there were kids in the theater who you just knew were going to ask their parents for a dancing robot just so they could be like Max.

            By all means, go see Real Steel.  I give it shit for being predictable and boring and a rip-off of other movies.  I'm not going to deny that or back away from it. 

            It's just, well, they did such a good job of stealing all the best stuff, and then finding the only kid on the planet who was capable of keeping this film from going off a cliff.  After all that I have no problems supporting this movie.  Again, it's not Rocky.  Hell, it's not Warrior.  It's kinda hackneyed and goofy and the robots border on the ridiculous.  Despite all that, I really enjoyed this movie.

            Provided Max was on screen.

50/50

50/50 is the sort of movie that I don't mind giving my money to.

It's also the sort of movie that I will not regret recommending.  So what are you waiting for?  Check it out!

...

...

...

Well....assuming you're still here....

On to the review!

            If you've seen the trailer, then you have a decent idea of what's going on.      Adam (Joseph Gordon-Levitt) has been diagnosed with cancer and has about a 50% chance of survival.  What you may not know is that the script loosely autobiographical, based on the real fight with cancer undergone by screenwriter Will Reiser.  Also, Seth Rogen is Will's real life friend, so I really have no idea why they even bothered having Seth play a guy named Kyle when he's really playing Seth Rogen.

            The rest of the plot is pretty simple, really.  Adam's got a girlfriend, Rachael (seriously, guys?  Do we HAVE to spell names the silly way in movies?) played by Bryce Dallas Howard who is kinda....weird.  He also has a very flightly, worry-wart mother in Diane, gamely played by Angelica Huston and a father with Alzheimer's.  As you can surmise, these relationships do not get any better for him once he tells them about his cancer.

            That's it for friends and family, but there are a few more characters that make fantastic, impactful impressions during the film.  First, Adam starts to see a therapist, Katherine, to help him deal with the mental anguish of fighting cancer.  Anna Kendrick plays the role of graduate-school therapist perfectly, even channeling what appears to be a little Michael Cera at a few points, to good effect.  Also, she is freaking adorable.  Even though I was supposed to be emotionally invested in what was happening on-screen, I just wanted to hug her.  Wait...is...is that weird?

            Finally, Matt Frewer and Phillip Baker Hall stop by to play fellow chemotherapy patients and, though they appear far too infrequently for my taste, they may be the best, most fleshed-out minor characters I have ever seen in a film that wasn't a crime drama. 

            50/50 finds a perfect level of balance between humor and drama.  Frewer, Hall and Rogen are the three people mainly responsible for the humor, but Mizz Huston does have a few really funny parts that all hinge on the realistic desperation of an overprotective mother.  Whenever the movie threatens to get too serious for too long, one of those characters pop up and diffuse the tension, but their welcome is never overstayed.

            Honestly, I think that's what makes this film work so well.  It's not so dramatic as to be overbearing, and it treats cancer like real  people would treat it.  Yes, there is depression and anger and sadness in this film.  BUT there is also joy and joking and friends trying to keep friends from freaking the fuck out. 

            That's what made this movie so enjoyable -- the realism.  This movie realistically explores a man's journey through a potentially painful, fear-filled, deadly problem and makes sure not to go too far either way.  Yes, there is doom and gloom and parts where people will cry.  But it's not all doom and gloom, and the humor is natural and easy even if some scenes are still a bit contrived.

            As for the theater....holy shit do I regret going to a movie on a Monday.  I actually thought that it would be nice and quiet, but I forgot about how weekdays are more likely to bring out the type of people who have no problem seeing a movie.  I mean really, who sees a movie on a Monday?

            That is how I ended up sitting in a nearly empty theater with three morbidly obese teenagers who were either incredibly high or incredibly stupid.  They giggled at all the wrong times, wouldn't shut the hell up even when threatened with having the manager called, and had a friend with them who was somehow even more idiotic.  How, you may ask?  Their fourth friend brought a 5 year old to a damn R-rated film.  Just old enough to understand, too young to not jump on every damn stair several times during the film when going to the bathroom.

            So...go see it in theaters anyways!  I still recommend it, but if you just don't wanna to out for this film, please rent it or put it in your Netflix queue the moment it's available on DVD.  It has been a long time since I've seen a good comedy/drama (I refuse to call anything a dramedy.  Ever).  I will say it's much better than Observe and Report or Aventureland, two movies that I did like but didn't love.  In fact, it's very difficult to think of a film that balanced the two genres so well.  The Specials, maybe?  Maybe, but that was more farcical than dramatic....hrmm...

              Well, guess you'll just have to see this and tell me what you think still tops it.

Dream House

            Here's the only thing you need to know to enjoy Dream House:  Do not watch the trailer.

On to the review!

            Dream House is a deeply flawed film, and it all starts with the marketing.  In order to properly sell a mystery/thriller, you need to not give the audience everything they needs to know to piece together the twist(s).  I would like Hollywood to listen to me just this once:  Fire whatever marketing team/individual/troll put together the movie trailer.  By fire, I mean set on fire, then discontinue their employment.

            The movie itself isn't much better, even if I hadn't pieced together the entire thing about 30 minutes in. 

            I guess spoilers from this point on, because there's no damn way I can discuss this movie without ruining something.

            When you make a mystery movie, you need red herrings.  When you only introduce characters that are totally necessary to the plot....you're a lazy damn movie.  I am seriously not exaggerating when I say that this lean film is better suited to a drama.  In fact, given the list of A-list actors roped into Dream House, it's a shame they didn't actually...y'know...utilize them.

            Daniel Craig stars as Will Atenton while his real-life wife Rachel Weisz plays his movie wife, Libby.  In the beginning of the film Mr. Atenton quits his job and moves into a newly-purchased home with Libby and their two kids.  Then....weird things start to happen.  It seems that several years ago an entire family was murdered in the Atenton residence.  A woman and two children were died, but the father survived and was committed to a local nuthouse.

           

            But....*gasp*....Daniel Craig's family consists of a woman and two children! 

           

            Now people are acting weird around him!

            Maybe HE killed his family!....

            or...

            MAYBE HE DIDN'T!!!!!?!???!?!?!!

            Or maybe he did.

            Unfortunately, there is genuine chemistry between Craig and Mrs. Weisz, and Naomi Watts does just enough to make you care about her turn as the neighbor, Ann.  Elias Koteas shows up a few times, seemingly slumming it, but he also does a fine job of playing his part.  It's just a real shame that all this 'acting' is completely wasted on such a hackneyed plot.  Also, why the hell do I keep confusing Elias Koteas with Christopher Meloni?

            I really don't have anything else to say except rent this movie if you want to see it but already caught the trailer.  If you like good acting and don't care about plot, then by all means, check this out.  The theater experience did absolutely nothing for me, but I guess it's a good thing that nobody walked out?  I guess?

            For a good mystery, you could always get off your duff and watch The Usual Suspects or The Others or The Sixth Sense if you haven't already.  In Dream Houses' defense, I guess it's not the worst movie with a word for home in the title.  The Haunted Mansion bears that torch.