I arrived a little late to the Hangover party, having not seen the original until roughly a year after its release, but I was impressed. Here's an obviously cheaply-made movie that was made specifically for adult male. Granted, it was made for the adult male who was doing keg stands and calling each other 'fags' less than a decade ago, but the adult male nonetheless.
Yes, there is no shortage of movies that are dedicated to that precious 18-34 year old male demographic. Few of those movies are aimed solely at that demographic to the point where all other ages are told "Stand back! This shit is fucked up right here, and if you can't take it, well then get the shit outta the fuckin' theater you old fuckfuckershitbag!" (Sorry, that was my decade-younger alter ego talking, not me.)
So how does a movie top itself when the returns virtually demand a sequel, while still delivering everything people loved in the first one?
Ehhh.....not so well, it turns out.
By all means, if you liked the first one, you'll like this one. I just don't see too many people liking the sequel MORE than the original. It's all there, and by all, I mean ALL. Every twist, turn, and idea used in the first one is recycled in this one, to the point that you can actually predict what's going to happen. The only thing different is the dialog.
Again, I'm not saying that's a bad thing. I'm not a film critic. I've already established that I don't grade movies, I compare them. I don't judge you for your tastes. You either like something or you don't. The only people I judge are the ones who pay to see new Seltzer/Friedberg movies. Stop it! Bad moviegoer!
Back to the movie, the whole cast is here. Bradley Cooper returns and gets to be a bit of a douche, Ed Helms stays kinda whiny, and Zach Galifianakis returns his oddball character to the screen.
Many moviegoers won't care that it's a rehash. As long as everything is funny, right?
Yes, yes. There's still laughs aplenty. They just seem more strained now, due to the movie's effort to constantly TOP the original. The disgusting has been ramped way the hell up, and so has the nudity. Amusingly enough, even though this movie is aimed squarely at the money-spending twenty-something party-goer, there is a whole lotta cock in this film.
I really don't want to go into any detail beyond that, for fear of ruining one or two of the decent jokes. I will go on record as saying that this is as creepy as Zach's characters need to get. There really is a fine line between funny uncomfortable oddball and funny 'call the cops this guy's probably gonna stab us all.'
So yeah, check it out if you liked the first one. If you didn't? Stay the hell away! What are you, a masochist?
Though this isn't better than the sequel, I will say it's still better than most raunchy R-rated comedies like Sex Drive and, yes, Hot Tub Time Machine.
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
Monday, May 30, 2011
The Hangover Pt. II: Filler
I saw the movie on Sunday, but please forgive me for no update yet. I had a freaking blast all weekend and didn't get home until 1800 Monday. There will be a true update tomorrow and some bonus stuff later on this week.
Sunday, May 22, 2011
Pirates of the blah blah: Sequel #3
Now begins the first movie of the second trilogy of the most successful Disney ride-turned-film-franchise in the history of anything ever.
Aaaaaaaaannnnnddddddd......it was meh.
Now, I'm sure you will not be too surprised to hear this, but On Stranger Tides is based on a novel about lots of things that did not include Captain Jack Sparrow. I guess when you try to make a half dozen movies about a ride, you start to run out of ideas and need to start co-opting. Or is that outsourcing?
Regardless, the most disappointing part of this film was its distinct lack of stranger tides. There were plenty of normal tides, and there were strange elements to the film. However, none of those strange elements involved tides. Or fun, for the most part.
If you are a huge fan of Johnny Depp (and come on, who isn't? The man is willing to do damn near anything except act normal), then you will at least be glad to know that he is onscreen most of the time, and his antics are genuinely entertaining. However, aside from our primary protagonists/antagonists, who this time include Geoffry Rush, Penelope Cruz and the always awesome Ian McShane, nobody else in this film is worth a second look. Seriously, even the priest dude who plays a major subplot in the film is so forgettable, I would not be able to pick him out of a lineup less than 24 hours after seeing the damn movie!
I could get into plot and subplots, but then I would be forced to lie to you, because the plot hardly matters at all. In fact, the plot exists solely to get our anti-hero to interact with wonderful setpieces and fantastic scenery....as well as a few decent special-effects here and there.
The only creepy thing about this movie is the director's apparent need to distinguish the difference between rich and poor by the amount of filth they have accumulated. Seriously. Every pirate and 'normal' person is literally coated in filth, cuts, sores, and bruises. Even Capt. Sparrow has plenty of sores that could at least use some ointment. The rich, in turn, are well groomed, bathed and have perfect teeth. Seriously.
There is a little something after the credits, and by that I mean a very little. The opening weekend crowd did nothing to enhance the movie. Not a single group laugh or cheer or anything, which may say more about the film than the filmgoers.
So feel free to see this flick if you're a fan of Johnny Depp action sequences and don't care much about plot. However, no matter how hard they try, this franchise will never be able to top Angela Lansbury as a pirate in Pirates of Penzance.
Aaaaaaaaannnnnddddddd......it was meh.
Now, I'm sure you will not be too surprised to hear this, but On Stranger Tides is based on a novel about lots of things that did not include Captain Jack Sparrow. I guess when you try to make a half dozen movies about a ride, you start to run out of ideas and need to start co-opting. Or is that outsourcing?
Regardless, the most disappointing part of this film was its distinct lack of stranger tides. There were plenty of normal tides, and there were strange elements to the film. However, none of those strange elements involved tides. Or fun, for the most part.
If you are a huge fan of Johnny Depp (and come on, who isn't? The man is willing to do damn near anything except act normal), then you will at least be glad to know that he is onscreen most of the time, and his antics are genuinely entertaining. However, aside from our primary protagonists/antagonists, who this time include Geoffry Rush, Penelope Cruz and the always awesome Ian McShane, nobody else in this film is worth a second look. Seriously, even the priest dude who plays a major subplot in the film is so forgettable, I would not be able to pick him out of a lineup less than 24 hours after seeing the damn movie!
I could get into plot and subplots, but then I would be forced to lie to you, because the plot hardly matters at all. In fact, the plot exists solely to get our anti-hero to interact with wonderful setpieces and fantastic scenery....as well as a few decent special-effects here and there.
The only creepy thing about this movie is the director's apparent need to distinguish the difference between rich and poor by the amount of filth they have accumulated. Seriously. Every pirate and 'normal' person is literally coated in filth, cuts, sores, and bruises. Even Capt. Sparrow has plenty of sores that could at least use some ointment. The rich, in turn, are well groomed, bathed and have perfect teeth. Seriously.
There is a little something after the credits, and by that I mean a very little. The opening weekend crowd did nothing to enhance the movie. Not a single group laugh or cheer or anything, which may say more about the film than the filmgoers.
So feel free to see this flick if you're a fan of Johnny Depp action sequences and don't care much about plot. However, no matter how hard they try, this franchise will never be able to top Angela Lansbury as a pirate in Pirates of Penzance.
Saturday, May 21, 2011
Priest 3D
There were approximately 8 previews before the movie, 7 of them in 3D. I can say with all confidence that none of them will need to be seen in 3D to be enjoyed. Yes, I use the term 'enjoyed' loosely as far as most of them are concerned.
Now, on to the review!
From the very beginning, Priest digs itself into a hole so deep that no amount of awesome can pull it out. According to the lore of the film, mankind was slowly losing a war to vampires over the course of hundreds, if not thousands of years. Finally, The Priests are discovered...evolved...developed...? According to the film, they just happen, and they just happen to be man's salvation. This is where things get silly. Now that mankind has finally gained the upper hand over vampires, they do what any other species would do to a race of creatures whose sole existence is to destroy, devour, and eradicate every other living thing on the planet. They put them on reservations!
Now, if you, like most sane individuals, think that letting hundreds of homicidal killing machines live in poorly guarded areas with almost no overwatch...well, you are officially not dumb enough to give this movie more than two stars.
Suspension of belief aside, this film does very little in the way of making you give two Shih Tzus about anything. Most human populations live in crappy, derelict cities ruled with an iron fist by the clergy. Everyone is depressed, depressing, lifeless and dull.
I will give credit where credit is due, however. The trailers for this film made it look like it was going to be a fantastic, two-hour epic where man rejects blind faith and wages war on those bent on his destruction. So whoever put that together, good job. The reality of the film is barely 90 minutes worth of poor dialog, schlocky plot, and half-decent action scenes. If I sit through a movie that isn't even an hour and a half long and still wish they had trimmed a good 15 minutes, well....shame on you, sir. Shame on you.
I believe that you owe me and the other 8 people in the theater at least half of our ticket price back.
Go see this film if you have never seen a good post-apocalyptic, religion-dominates-the-world sort of movie, or if you love vampire flicks and don't care how dumb they are. Personally, I recommend you go catch yourself some Equilibrium for your depressing future as run by a controlling ever-present ruling class fix, or go fire up the ol' Dusk 'Til Dawn for your cheesy vampire action flick. I cannot think of a single film in either genre that I liked less than Priest.
Also, on a personal note...Hollywood? I know you love to remake movies and try to update them, but now you're just getting silly. A remake of Fright Night? In 3D? Really?
Now, on to the review!
From the very beginning, Priest digs itself into a hole so deep that no amount of awesome can pull it out. According to the lore of the film, mankind was slowly losing a war to vampires over the course of hundreds, if not thousands of years. Finally, The Priests are discovered...evolved...developed...? According to the film, they just happen, and they just happen to be man's salvation. This is where things get silly. Now that mankind has finally gained the upper hand over vampires, they do what any other species would do to a race of creatures whose sole existence is to destroy, devour, and eradicate every other living thing on the planet. They put them on reservations!
Now, if you, like most sane individuals, think that letting hundreds of homicidal killing machines live in poorly guarded areas with almost no overwatch...well, you are officially not dumb enough to give this movie more than two stars.
Suspension of belief aside, this film does very little in the way of making you give two Shih Tzus about anything. Most human populations live in crappy, derelict cities ruled with an iron fist by the clergy. Everyone is depressed, depressing, lifeless and dull.
I will give credit where credit is due, however. The trailers for this film made it look like it was going to be a fantastic, two-hour epic where man rejects blind faith and wages war on those bent on his destruction. So whoever put that together, good job. The reality of the film is barely 90 minutes worth of poor dialog, schlocky plot, and half-decent action scenes. If I sit through a movie that isn't even an hour and a half long and still wish they had trimmed a good 15 minutes, well....shame on you, sir. Shame on you.
I believe that you owe me and the other 8 people in the theater at least half of our ticket price back.
Go see this film if you have never seen a good post-apocalyptic, religion-dominates-the-world sort of movie, or if you love vampire flicks and don't care how dumb they are. Personally, I recommend you go catch yourself some Equilibrium for your depressing future as run by a controlling ever-present ruling class fix, or go fire up the ol' Dusk 'Til Dawn for your cheesy vampire action flick. I cannot think of a single film in either genre that I liked less than Priest.
Also, on a personal note...Hollywood? I know you love to remake movies and try to update them, but now you're just getting silly. A remake of Fright Night? In 3D? Really?
Monday, May 16, 2011
Delays
Due to a fantastic weekend that did not involve movies at all, I missed the debut of Priest.
Though from the sound of things I am not missing much, I still intend to see it. This weekend there will be a double-P Priest and Pirates movie marathon.
Pray for me.
Though from the sound of things I am not missing much, I still intend to see it. This weekend there will be a double-P Priest and Pirates movie marathon.
Pray for me.
Sunday, May 8, 2011
Thor
I actually saw this movie on Friday night, but due to a combination of actually having fun stuff to do and being incredibly unmotivated, I am not getting this up until Sunday. To my seventeen readers, I say I am sorry. Also, why the hell haven't you seen this movie yet?
Welcome to a very biased version of Mainstreamin'!
I am not a comic book nerd. First off, that hobby is far too expensive. I cannot envision a day where I willingly plop down $5 for 30 pages of art work, read the entire thing in ten minutes and eagerly await the next time I get to spend $5 for the continued adventures of Super Person Man.
I am, however, a huge fan of science fiction and fantasy, which most Marvel and DC comics fall within the realm of. This means that I was one of two things when I approached the movie theater on Friday.
1. Excited to see something that could be fun and awesome.
2. Scared that this would be a giant flustercluck.
I'm sure most of you can figure out why I was excited, but scared? How the hell could I be scared? I'll tell you why, hypothetical reader: Though Marvel has had a very good track record of putting out genuinely entertaining, decently-written movies in the last few years, they still run the risk of sucking. Look at the first Hulk film, or every Fantastic Four movie. Yes, they sold tickets, but they also suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuucked.
On top of that, Thor is a huge deviation from the usual mutant/space radiation/gamma radiation stories that Marvel has been putting up on the screen. This one deals with magic and gods. As much as we love sci-fi and explosions, robots and ninjas, moviegoers still have a hard time swallowing truly fantasy-style stories, especially when magic is concerned. Actually, this kind of pisses me off. You can take a movie with a sparkly damn vampire and turn it into a franchise, but if some dude throws a fireball out of the palm of his hand, it's almost a guaranteed flop? Screw you, general public.
Anyhow, on Thor, they did a fantastic job of skirting the issue by giving a very plausible (for a world that already has Iron Man and The Hulk in it) explanation as to how Thor could even be possible.
Add on to that everything needed for a good film, and you've got a fantastic blockbuster on your hands. This movie offers a little something for everyone. For the ladies, there is Thor himself, played by Chris Hemsworth in all his 12-pack glory. For the guys, there is...well, everything else. Natalie Portman runs around in skin-tight jeans, things blow up and there are a ton of fight scenes. For the snob, there are more classically trained people (Anthony Hopkins, Tom Hiddleston, the freaking director) than most versions of Othello. What does that mean for us? The acting does not stink!
That has been my biggest complaint while Mainstreamin' this year. So many movies focus on spectacle that they forget about acting. Why does Hollywood keep forgetting that some of us actually care about how lines are delivered, and whether or not the good guy is believable when he utters certain phrases? If the acting is poor, then nobody is even going to care when he gets the girl. Yes, I'm looking at you Mr. Bay. The only thing I root for in your films are for the main characters to die in a Bay'Splosion.
In conclusion, go see Thor. Also, don't leave before the credits. If you haven't figured it out yet, EVERY Marvel film has something after the credits.
So go see Thor! Do it! It's better than every Marvel film so far, except for the first Iron Man.
Welcome to a very biased version of Mainstreamin'!
I am not a comic book nerd. First off, that hobby is far too expensive. I cannot envision a day where I willingly plop down $5 for 30 pages of art work, read the entire thing in ten minutes and eagerly await the next time I get to spend $5 for the continued adventures of Super Person Man.
I am, however, a huge fan of science fiction and fantasy, which most Marvel and DC comics fall within the realm of. This means that I was one of two things when I approached the movie theater on Friday.
1. Excited to see something that could be fun and awesome.
2. Scared that this would be a giant flustercluck.
I'm sure most of you can figure out why I was excited, but scared? How the hell could I be scared? I'll tell you why, hypothetical reader: Though Marvel has had a very good track record of putting out genuinely entertaining, decently-written movies in the last few years, they still run the risk of sucking. Look at the first Hulk film, or every Fantastic Four movie. Yes, they sold tickets, but they also suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuucked.
On top of that, Thor is a huge deviation from the usual mutant/space radiation/gamma radiation stories that Marvel has been putting up on the screen. This one deals with magic and gods. As much as we love sci-fi and explosions, robots and ninjas, moviegoers still have a hard time swallowing truly fantasy-style stories, especially when magic is concerned. Actually, this kind of pisses me off. You can take a movie with a sparkly damn vampire and turn it into a franchise, but if some dude throws a fireball out of the palm of his hand, it's almost a guaranteed flop? Screw you, general public.
Anyhow, on Thor, they did a fantastic job of skirting the issue by giving a very plausible (for a world that already has Iron Man and The Hulk in it) explanation as to how Thor could even be possible.
Add on to that everything needed for a good film, and you've got a fantastic blockbuster on your hands. This movie offers a little something for everyone. For the ladies, there is Thor himself, played by Chris Hemsworth in all his 12-pack glory. For the guys, there is...well, everything else. Natalie Portman runs around in skin-tight jeans, things blow up and there are a ton of fight scenes. For the snob, there are more classically trained people (Anthony Hopkins, Tom Hiddleston, the freaking director) than most versions of Othello. What does that mean for us? The acting does not stink!
That has been my biggest complaint while Mainstreamin' this year. So many movies focus on spectacle that they forget about acting. Why does Hollywood keep forgetting that some of us actually care about how lines are delivered, and whether or not the good guy is believable when he utters certain phrases? If the acting is poor, then nobody is even going to care when he gets the girl. Yes, I'm looking at you Mr. Bay. The only thing I root for in your films are for the main characters to die in a Bay'Splosion.
In conclusion, go see Thor. Also, don't leave before the credits. If you haven't figured it out yet, EVERY Marvel film has something after the credits.
So go see Thor! Do it! It's better than every Marvel film so far, except for the first Iron Man.
Sunday, May 1, 2011
Fast Five
I have a confession to make. Are you sitting down for this one? Okay, good.
I don't give a flying fart about cars.
There, I said it. I mean it, too! Until today, I had only seen the original Fast and Furious film. Movies two through four were simply never on my radar. In fact, even many of the fans of the franchise admitted that if you didn't care about cars, there was very little impetus to watch the movies, especial Tokyo Drift. That's where I stood as far as this franchise was concerned. If even FANS of the movies were telling me to not even bother, then how the hell was I ever going to enjoy Fast Five?
Simple. They removed the focus from the cars.
Now don't get me wrong, there are still plenty of cars, very expensive cars, and lots of vroom vroom. It's just that now, the cars are a means to an end, rather than the entire plot.
So now there's actual gun battles and fist fights and lots and lots of women's butts. Apparently that was a major part of the franchise. Women's asses are EVERYWHERE in this film, and if they can't justify throwing in a butt, they make sure to keep some cleavage or at least a flat, exposed stomach in the shot at all times.
Yeah, basically this is your standard summer action fare. Unfortunately for me, since I have absolutely NO idea what the characters have been doing since the first film, I really couldn't get into any of the drama or back story. This is a shame.
You see, Fast Five had one huge flaw you could drive a fleet of Porsche's through. It kept trying to be a good movie. The entire point of a flick like this is to entertain with vrooms and whooshes and punches and explosions. No, no, I'm not saying it needed to be Michael Bay stupid, but Fast Five seriously puts on the brakes way too often for an action flick. Every time you get a fight scene or a chase scene, you have to pay for it by listening to one character after another deal with some problem from their past, or talk about their feelings. Even worse are the occasions where the filmmakers actively try to make our heroes more than two-dimensional. No, nobody cares WHY Vin Diesel is a professional thief. Seriously, he just is. Nobody cares about Dwayne Johnson's stance on abortions, we just want to see him throw a punch.
Anyhow, back to the whole guns and fights thing. Yes, you do get to watch Mr. Diesel and Mr. Johnson beat the everloving crap out of each other. You also get lots of gun battles and a very high body count. Hilariously, we're actually supposed to be rooting for the thieves in this movie, but by the end of the film they are responsible for roughly two hundred fatalities, most of them innocent civilians and public servants.
I did appreciate the fact that I wasn't stuck in a theater watching a film about a few people drooling over cars, and I hear that they're already working on a sequel or seven, and they plan on moving further and further away from the Fast part, leaving just the Furious.
As far as actors go, I really have no opinion whatsoever. They were all there, they were all caricatures of real people, and most of them didn't say too many stupid lines. It's nice to see Mr. The Rock going back to action films after his horrible wrong turn at Disney, but unfortunately he had most of the really stupid lines.
On a personal note, how the hell is it that I keep getting the idiots seated directly behind/in front of me? Just before the previews kicked on, four girls sat directly behind my wife and I, and would not shut the hell up until the actual movie started. Fortunately for them, I'm far happier when I'm inwardly seething than when I'm directly confronting a bunch of tards who would probably just bitch at me for daring to suggest that they were....tards.
Hooray positivism!
So check out Fast Five if you need your action fix, but I personally recommend waiting for DVD so you can skip the far-too-many slow scenes. Judging by fans' reactions, I'd say this is far better than The Fast and the Furious 2 or 3, but I still recommend you just go watch the original Transporter flick over this particular franchise.
I don't give a flying fart about cars.
There, I said it. I mean it, too! Until today, I had only seen the original Fast and Furious film. Movies two through four were simply never on my radar. In fact, even many of the fans of the franchise admitted that if you didn't care about cars, there was very little impetus to watch the movies, especial Tokyo Drift. That's where I stood as far as this franchise was concerned. If even FANS of the movies were telling me to not even bother, then how the hell was I ever going to enjoy Fast Five?
Simple. They removed the focus from the cars.
Now don't get me wrong, there are still plenty of cars, very expensive cars, and lots of vroom vroom. It's just that now, the cars are a means to an end, rather than the entire plot.
So now there's actual gun battles and fist fights and lots and lots of women's butts. Apparently that was a major part of the franchise. Women's asses are EVERYWHERE in this film, and if they can't justify throwing in a butt, they make sure to keep some cleavage or at least a flat, exposed stomach in the shot at all times.
Yeah, basically this is your standard summer action fare. Unfortunately for me, since I have absolutely NO idea what the characters have been doing since the first film, I really couldn't get into any of the drama or back story. This is a shame.
You see, Fast Five had one huge flaw you could drive a fleet of Porsche's through. It kept trying to be a good movie. The entire point of a flick like this is to entertain with vrooms and whooshes and punches and explosions. No, no, I'm not saying it needed to be Michael Bay stupid, but Fast Five seriously puts on the brakes way too often for an action flick. Every time you get a fight scene or a chase scene, you have to pay for it by listening to one character after another deal with some problem from their past, or talk about their feelings. Even worse are the occasions where the filmmakers actively try to make our heroes more than two-dimensional. No, nobody cares WHY Vin Diesel is a professional thief. Seriously, he just is. Nobody cares about Dwayne Johnson's stance on abortions, we just want to see him throw a punch.
Anyhow, back to the whole guns and fights thing. Yes, you do get to watch Mr. Diesel and Mr. Johnson beat the everloving crap out of each other. You also get lots of gun battles and a very high body count. Hilariously, we're actually supposed to be rooting for the thieves in this movie, but by the end of the film they are responsible for roughly two hundred fatalities, most of them innocent civilians and public servants.
I did appreciate the fact that I wasn't stuck in a theater watching a film about a few people drooling over cars, and I hear that they're already working on a sequel or seven, and they plan on moving further and further away from the Fast part, leaving just the Furious.
As far as actors go, I really have no opinion whatsoever. They were all there, they were all caricatures of real people, and most of them didn't say too many stupid lines. It's nice to see Mr. The Rock going back to action films after his horrible wrong turn at Disney, but unfortunately he had most of the really stupid lines.
On a personal note, how the hell is it that I keep getting the idiots seated directly behind/in front of me? Just before the previews kicked on, four girls sat directly behind my wife and I, and would not shut the hell up until the actual movie started. Fortunately for them, I'm far happier when I'm inwardly seething than when I'm directly confronting a bunch of tards who would probably just bitch at me for daring to suggest that they were....tards.
Hooray positivism!
So check out Fast Five if you need your action fix, but I personally recommend waiting for DVD so you can skip the far-too-many slow scenes. Judging by fans' reactions, I'd say this is far better than The Fast and the Furious 2 or 3, but I still recommend you just go watch the original Transporter flick over this particular franchise.
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