Pirates of the blah blah: Sequel #3

Now begins the first movie of the second trilogy of the most successful Disney ride-turned-film-franchise in the history of anything ever.
Aaaaaaaaannnnnddddddd......it was meh.
Now, I'm sure you will not be too surprised to hear this, but On Stranger Tides is based on a novel about lots of things that did not include Captain Jack Sparrow.  I guess when you try to make a half dozen movies about a ride, you start to run out of ideas and need to start co-opting.  Or is that outsourcing?
Regardless, the most disappointing part of this film was its distinct lack of stranger tides.  There were plenty of normal tides, and there were strange elements to the film.  However, none of those strange elements involved tides.  Or fun, for the most part.
If you are a huge fan of Johnny Depp (and come on, who isn't?  The man is willing to do damn near anything except act normal), then you will at least be glad to know that he is onscreen most of the time, and his antics are genuinely entertaining.  However, aside from our primary protagonists/antagonists, who this time include Geoffry Rush, Penelope Cruz and the always awesome Ian McShane, nobody else in this film is worth a second look.  Seriously, even the priest dude who plays a major subplot in the film is so forgettable, I would not be able to pick him out of a lineup less than 24 hours after seeing the damn movie!
I could get into plot and subplots, but then I would be forced to lie to you, because the plot hardly matters at all.  In fact, the plot exists solely to get our anti-hero to interact with wonderful setpieces and fantastic scenery....as well as a few decent special-effects here and there.
The only creepy thing about this movie is the director's apparent need to distinguish the difference between rich and poor by the amount of filth they have accumulated.  Seriously.  Every pirate and 'normal' person is literally coated in filth, cuts, sores, and bruises.  Even Capt. Sparrow has plenty of sores that could at least use some ointment.  The rich, in turn, are well groomed, bathed and have perfect teeth.  Seriously.

There is a little something after the credits, and by that I mean a very little.  The opening weekend crowd did nothing to enhance the movie.  Not a single group laugh or cheer or anything, which may say more about the film than the filmgoers.
So feel free to see this flick if you're a fan of Johnny Depp action sequences and don't care much about plot.  However, no matter how hard they try, this franchise will never be able to top Angela Lansbury as a pirate in Pirates of Penzance.