Hit and Run

            Here's today's story:  I went to the movie with a buddy of mine who happened to be the ONLY coworker who was actually excited to see this weekend's film.  There were about 10 people in the theater when we got there and, as is my wont, we sat in the back row, centered to the screen.  Only 3 more people entered the ginormous, nearly empty theater after us.

            The first two were older women, probably in their 50's.  They sat right next to my buddy and lady #1 proceeded to show off her new flashlight app.  During the previews.

            The third person was a morbidly obese woman who sat two seats down from me and proceeded to make phone calls.

            So you're lucky that I even did this review, because I briefly considered getting kicked out of the theater.

            On to the review!

            For those of you who don't have time to read the rest of the article:  Hit and Run was hit and miss.

            For everyone else, buckle in.  It's gonna be a bumpy ride.

            My first problem with Hit and Run is its complete inability to suck you into the film.  It opens up with our two main characters, Charles Bronson (Dax Shepard) and Annie Bean (Kristen Bell) having an intimate conversation in bed.  By intimate conversation, we mean he's insulting her in a cute yet very-not-cute way.

            You see, the trailers were very insistent on this film being brought to you by the producer of Wedding Crashers in order to make you think it's going to be interesting, funny, and, well, good.  Yeah, you were misled.  The trailer is so cut up that misleading is no longer a good enough term.  Even though it has 1/3 the characters of WeddingCrashers, not a single one is developed enough for you to actually give a shit.

            In reality, Bradley Cooper's character, Alex Dmitri, doesn't even show up until nearly halfway into the film.  The true (dumbass) bad guy is idiot ex-boyfriend Gil (Michael Rosenbaum) who figures out who Charles really is and brings his past back to haunt him.

            The catalyst for all this?  Annie gets a job offer in L.A. and Charles isn't supposed to leave his small town in the middle of nowhere, since he's in witness protection.  His witless protector is Randy Anderson (Tom Arnold) who overplays incompetence to the point that you're not sure he work for Burger King, let alone the government.

            So of course shit happens and Charles tries to take Annie to L.A. where the only job in her PhD in conflict resolution exists.  Yes.  Sadly, this is the most intelligent joke in the film.

            There are a bunch of chase scenes, some shoot-outs, and a few random conversations shoved in to remind you that this is a 'thinking man's movie.'  Of course you'd have to average about 3 thoughts an hour to actually see it as deep or interesting.

            You know what?  I'm done here.  I recommend that you go see Premium Rush.  Even though I haven't seen it, I guarantee it's better than Hit and Run.  It's no Wedding Crashers.  Hell, 30 Minutes or Less has better chase scenes.