After Earth

            Thanks to this song I can no longer say 'Earth.'  It's always 'Erf.'  Well, this part of Independence Day doesn't help either.  Fortunately you get to hear Will Smith say 'Earth' again.  Unfortunately(?) it's fully enunciated.

            On to the review!

            After Earth is, at its heart, a father/son movie.  For that, I cannot give it enough credit.  They could have easily turned this film into some sort of galaxy-spanning epic but to their credit, the filmmakers did not.

            The movie takes place in a future where humanity had to flee Earth after polluting it to the point that it was uninhabitable. A thousand years later, a new threat has arisen: aliens. Not just any aliens, either. Alien warriors that, while blind, are specially bred to smell the pheromones released by mankind when they feel fear.

            Enter the savior of mankind, Cypher Raige (Will Smith), a man who has learned to feel no fear, thus becoming invisible to the alien Ursa.  In order to make things a bit more corny, this ability is called 'Ghosting.'

            Now, General Cypher has a bit of a problem.  You see, his son Kitai (Jaden Smith) is trying very hard to follow in his father's footsteps, but he has a glaring disability in the form of being capable of actual emotion.  Even though he is still a teenager, he expects more from himself and believes his father does as well.  Just think of Cypher as the High Expectations Asian Father meme (with less racism) and you've got the right idea.

            So what is a father to do when his son wants to follow in his footsteps?  That's right!  Field trip!  In this case, Cypher takes Kitai with him on a training mission, where fellow Rangers will receive the benefits of his boundless wisdom.  At least in theory, because something goes wrong and they all crash land on--wait for it--Earth!
            Even worse, the father and son duo are the only survivors, they have limited food and water, Cypher is hurt, and the rescue beacon is 1000 kilometers away.

            That's just the first 30 minutes.  It's a very busy movie.

            The rest of the film is devoted to Kitai's trek across a verdant world that does not want humanity there.  He must fight off all manner of monsters and face dozens of fears in order to get to the beacon and save both his life and his father's.  Also, he falls down a lot.  No, seriously.  There may be close to a half-dozen instances of Jaden Smith laying on his back or side after being hurt/surprised/etc.  That was weird.

            So what about everything else?  Well, the film is gorgeous, there's no getting around that.  For such a CGI-heavy film, I wasn't really bothered by any sense of fakeness.  The futuristic technology is cool for the most part, but I didn't really get the hippie-vibe from all the man-made structures. 

            Jaden Smith continues to surprise me with his acting abilities, while Will seems to be coasting more and more on former fame.  What you have is a mindless summer film that doesn't really impress in any way unless you have zero expectations; then you're marginally impressed.  It is the ultimate inoffensive summer movie that you can probably take kids of any age to see as long as they are not frightened by CGI violence.

            Wait, there is one more thing.  The accents.  They were absolute bullshit.  They sounded like some sort of strange, country-boy-meets-British-nobleman thing.  It's like the director told all of his actors to talk like they moved from Alabama to Ireland, lived there for 10 years and then tried to become nobility.  What kind of idiot would fuck with accents that play no part in a film other than to cause a distraction?

            Directed by M. Night Shyamalan.

            Oh.