The Rules/The Conspirator

The Conspirator was not my movie of the week.  Scream 4 was.  However, one of my (three....five?) readers told me to watch it, so I did.  They may wish I hadn't....

Anyways, there has been some confusion as to how I am going to narrow down what a mainstream movie is, especially as the summer season starts throwing movies left and right, like angry chimpanzees with a pile of poo.  The answer?  Mothalovin' Google.  What better way to judge the popularity of an upcoming film than checking out the Google hits?  This week, The Conspirator had 3.2 million hits, and Scream 4 had 8 million.  Kids movies don't count for two reasons:  First off, the Google rule is completely 'effed by kids movies.  Type in 'Rio movie' and you get 136 million hits.  Secondly, I dig cartoons.  Always have, always will.  I own damn near everything Pixar has ever put out.  Cloudy With A Chance of Meatballs was awesome. Don Bluth is my hero.  The only exception?  CGI-live action hybrids.  Gah, I hate those things.  Which means I will eventually have to suffer through The Smurfs movie.  Craaaaaaaaaap.

Now on to the review!

This one will be short and sweet.  The Conspirator is a historical drama about the trial of one Mary Surratt, the sole female charged with aiding President Lincoln's killers.  It primarily focuses on her lawyer, Frederick Aiken (played by James McAvoy) as he slowly slides from despising her for what she's done to defending her with all his might...while still despising what she 'may' have done.  As a history piece, it is fantastic.  It does a great job of capturing the look and feel of that time in American history.  The clothes, textures and set-pieces all look as if they were teleported from the past.  Even Justin Long's ridiculous mustache looks as if it was secretly groomed 150 years ago.
Unfortunately, as a drama it fails miserably.  Not a single character is fleshed out enough to cause the viewer to give a shit.  Everything the judges do in the film is detestable.  The prosecution resorts to dirty tricks.  The Secretary of War, played by a nigh-unrecognizable Kevin Kline, is a dastardly villain who reminds one of Dick Cheney.  The things that happen to James McAvoy's character are unfair and bigoted.  What they do to Mary Surratt is terrible and unconscionable.  The list of atrocities is endless.  Unfortunately, director Robert Redford forgot to make the audience actually care.  He was so wrapped up in the facts that he forgot to give his actors meaningful dialog, or facial expressions, or...y'know....direction.
The lines that can be drawn between The Conspirator and what is going on in the Obama administration, things that were started in the Bush administration, are clear and obvious.  This film could have been a fantastic example of government gone wrong, of what happens when selfishness and fearmongering replaces common sense, law and duty.  Alas, all it manages to be is a dry, dusty piece of history.  One day it will be played commercial free on The History Channel, and on that day, The Conspirator will have found its one true home.
Watch this movie if you love history for history's sake, because it has a better budget than most other History Channel shows.  I, for one, still prefer Drunken History.