Taken 2

            You know what I hate almost as much as PG-13 horror films?  PG-13 action movies.  It just feels like something's missing when people are being killed 'cleanly.'  I mean, if you're fighting for your life, wouldn't you be swearing and/or bleeding?  When you get shot, do you not scream?  When you get stabbed, do you not start insulting your assailant's ancestors?

           

            On to the review!

            Taken 2, hereby referred to as Taken As Well, only exists because of Liam Neeson.  At 60 years old, he has suddenly found himself as one of the hottest action stars of the last decade.  More youthful in appearance than Schwarzenegger and Stallone (maybe it's the lack of steroids?), and far more intimidating than damn near anyone else on the big screen, Liam Neeson finds himself in a strange position where people want nothing more than to see him punch people in the face.

            This time, the father of one of Taken's victims, Murad Krasniqi (Rade Serbedzija), is out for revenge, and he gets several volunteers from his small Albanian village to help him hunt down Bryan Mills (Liam Neeson).  But of course, that's not enough, so he wants his ex-wife Lenore (Framke Janssen) and daughter Kim (Maggie Grace) to die as well.

            "Well, how the hell are terrorists going to get into America just to kidnap and kill three people?" Is what you're probably thinking.

            "Hah!"  I reply.  "Do you really think the movie won't find a way to make it work?"

            So of course Murad gets his opportunity when Kim and Lenore surprise Bryan by visiting him in Istanbul (not Constantinople now). 

            While out shopping with his ex-wife, because that's what people do, Bryan notices that they're being tailed.  After giving Lenore a play-by-play of what she needs to do, Bryan leads the would-be kidnappers on a merry chase, only to eventually surrender once he sees that they've succeeded to capture Lenore.

            At this point, his daughter Kim manages to not only evade capture, but use grenades to find where her father is being held so that she can free him.

            Once free, Bryan uses his incredible abilities (his special skills, if you will) and resourcefulness to kill everyone and get his ex-wife back. 

            Come on, it's not like I'm ruining anything for you.  You know how this ends.

           

            Of course, lots of things happen in-between, and they're all very actiony.  Faces get punched, bodies get twisted and broken, stabbings occur, a few batons are whipped around, and lots of shootings occur.

            The action scenes themselves are much like the first movie.  Hollywood is immensely in love with shaky-cam, and they're doing their damndest to make sure we the people get sick and freaking tired of it.  No, a shaky camera does not make it feel like I'm in the middle of the action.  It makes me feel like I'm confused and possibly drunk.

            The acting is fine, and Liam Neeson delivers his lines with his usual skill, but this time we actually get to see a little depth of character.  The movie starts and ends with a little slice of home life, and the character Bryan is actually fleshed out quite well.

            I can't say the same for Lenore or Kim, but that's to be expected.  The ladies of this film are not what drives ticket sales.

            While the action itself is standard, and the plot is perfectly serviceable, Taken 2 asks a very big favor from you.  It's not enough to suspend belief for 93 minutes, it asks you to pretend that common sense does not exist.

            Again:  Kim uses fucking grenades to locate her father in the city of goddamn Istanbul (not Constantinople now).  I know we Americans have a few misconceptions about the rest of the world, but seriously.  You think if a grenade went off damn near anywhere in the Middle East, people aren't going to report that shit and get the cops over there pronto?

            "Oh shit, Ceren, a fucking grenade just went off next door!"

            "Meh, don't worry about it, dear.  It's Tuesday."

            Really, Hollywood?

            Anyways, Taken As Well is exactly what you're looking for, if what you're looking for is 90+ minutes of almost non-stop action, and Liam Neeson punching people in the face.  The plot (and acting) was still better than Expendables 2 but I would really kill to get something a bit more driving behind my kidnapping plots.  Maybe Escape from New York?