Shed a tear for Netflix'd.
It only lasted a few months, but there's a chance that it's gone for good. For now the only time you'll see Netflix'd pop up is when I get a bunch of obnoxious friends in the same room to help me make fun of a movie. This is harder than it sounds because most of my obnoxious friends live in other states. I'm currently stuck with calm, rational friends. Eww.
Now, Netflix is listening to and logging complaints, and it appears that I was just one of thousands of people who enjoyed Party mode on the XBox. If you want to join the cause, feel free to call 888-811-1933 and lodge a formal, polite complaint. Don't be a derpwad and just yell or whine. That's not helping anyone.
More importantly, what have I learned from all this?
The simple answer: Some movies are only worth watching with friends.
The better answer: Not all films are created equal. I understand that most movies are a labor of love. Someone, somewhere, wanted a movie to happen and poured time, thought, and/or money into it in an attempt to bring their ideas to life. (Of course, things like The Smurfs movie make that argument questionable, but let's assume that the majority of films are brought about because someone cared enough to work their ass off.)
Well, what happens when that labor of love is stillborn?
Things go wrong. Maybe the budget was too small. Maybe the actors weren't right. Maybe the director and scriptwriter didn't see eye-to-eye and things ended up muddled. Maybe the entire film should never have happened.
That last one is the category that most Netflix'd films fall under. Birdemic seemed intent on proselytizing the dangers inherent in man's attempted domination of Earth, everything else be damned! By everything else, I of course mean all acting, scenery, script writing, line delivery, sound, special effects, coherency and production.
Mutant Vampire Zombies From The Hood was not much better, with the exception of better obvious production value. That and Stripperland stand in opposition to by having absolutely no message to convey. Despite being supposed horror movies there's nothing scary about them, and the action was, shall we say, lightly choreographed.
On the other end of the spectrum, I finally got to see the live-action Avatar: The Last Airbender film. My new goal in life is to charge Hollywood over $100 million for the right to have me take a dump on someone's chest. Because this movie is M. Night Shyamalan shitting on the imagination of tens of thousands of people just for having the audacity to hope beyond hope that Hollywood could actually make a good film adaptation from a popular cartoon series.
What else did I experience during my adventure into B movies? I have learned that both Hollywood and independent, small-budget filmmakers often make the same mistakes. The only real difference is in budget and actor/director name recognition.
I don't want this to be simply a breakdown and insult of all the movies I watched, but it should come as no surprise that while actively asking people for recommendations of crappy films I ended up hating most of the movies I saw. I wanted to plumb the depths of Netflix Instant's library and find those movies that make people stop and ask "Why the hell is this even a thing?" I was hoping to answer that question by pointing out entertaining parts of otherwise crappy films. I never expected to be able to defend an entire movie, but I truly believed that even cheap, direct-to-DVD films have some sort of redemptive value. There are examples of small budget films developing a cult following after years of word-of-mouth. I can't deny that I would have loved to have stumbled upon one of those films during this project, just to say I was one of the cool kids.
The lone exception was Santa's Slay. It had better-than-average production values, never lost coherency, didn't stick around too long and managed to be exactly what it promised to be. It was alternately funny, goofy and violent. There were no real plot holes and just a few instances of inconsistency. I would say that, if I had to pick a winner for Most Surprisingly Entertaining Netflix'd Film of 2011, it would go to Santa's Slay.
That being said, it seems obvious that if you're going to try and make a movie with very little money, shoot for a horror film. If you can find a few half-decent actors, a guy who can make entertaining special effects on the cheap, and attach a light to your camera, you may be able to pull off something entertaining. At the very least you may get a few memorable scenes with a turkey wearing Groucho Marx glasses. If you're going to go straight comedy, make damn sure you're actually funny to lots of people, not just your own social circle. If you're shooting for drama or action, just stop. Quit while you're ahead.
I'm never going to stop loving cheesy, potentially-terrible B-C-and-D movies. If Netflix'd taught me anything, it's that I need to try even harder to find the good stuff, before it gets buried by all the delightfully terrible.
Of course, it never hurts to have good friends with you on your adventure. The list of Netflix'd participants got pretty damn long, but please believe it when I say that if you're one of the many amazing, awesome people who joined me for some of those film monstrosities, thank you. I mean it from the very bottom of my angry, bitter heart. You guys are all fantastic, and you made this project a lot more fun than it had any right to be.
Other titles considered for this article:
I come not to bury Netflix'd, but to praise it.
Say Netflix'd one more time muthafuckah!
Na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-Netflix'd!
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