Forced Hiatus: A temporary goodbye

     Dear friends, the time has come.  No, I'm not going to stop Mainstreamin'.  Nor am I going to fulfill your wish of doing a vlog of Grownups 2 while slowly sawing my arm off on camera.
     However, Mainstreamin' is going to go on a brief hiatus.  Alas, my four years in Mississippi are up and I am now being forced by my evil benevolent overlords to get my ass to Vegas.  I know, I know.  How will I manage to cope with such drastic changes like moving from hot and wet to hot and dry, from no libraries to arguably the greatest library system in the country, let alone cope with a city of over a half-million people?
     For starters, I will immediately find the nearest movie theater and go right back to watching the sort of movies that I happily despise for your continued enjoyment!
     Unfortunately that will not be a quick thing and I do not want to neglect anything that prevents me from having the best apartment in the best location that I can find.
     So from right now until March 17 my updates will be somewhere between few and none.  I hope to hit the ground running once I'm all set up and I truly hope you guys don't forget about me while I'm gone.
     There are big things in store for 2013, including my very first actual video review as well as at least one very popular, relatively handsome guest over the course of the summer.
     So enjoy your Valentine's Day, your President's Day, and any other official Day between now and then.  See you soon, and remember: Just because a film is in theaters doesn't mean that it should be.

Bullet to the Head

            What's worse: watching your action movie heroes grow old, or watching them refuse to admit just how damn old they are?

            On to the review!

            Two weeks ago I saw Arnold's come-back vehicle, The Last Stand, and quite enjoyed it.  This weekend Sylvester Stallone tries to remind us that he, too, still wants to be a badass in Bullet to theHead.

            Unfortunately for us it's just not that good of a movie.  Yes, Stallone does give a better-than-usual acting performance, but he's still Stallone.  There's really no acting range in that guy.

            The plot itself is solid.  Hitman James Bonomo (Stallone) loses his partner in a double-cross after taking out a corrupt cop.  That dead cop was the former partner of D.C.P.D. officer Taylor Kwan (Sung Kang), who convinces Bonomo to join up with him and bring the killers to justice.

            Of course justice means something different to everyone.  Kwan wants to arrest those responsible and see them put behind bars while Bonomo wants bloody revenge.  Yet it all comes across as very dry and relatively boring.  Imagine taking a buddy cop comedy, removing all the humor, and not replacing it with anything.

            Another problem is that Kwan's character is an idiot.  For a cop who is sent alone to a city filled with unknown hostiles, he really has no freaking idea how to handle himself.  Until the final reel his only worth is that he has access to an investigative unit in D.C. that feeds him any information he asks for.  That's it.  Not only does he not do any investigating himself, he's so green and gullible that I absolutely refuse to believe that any responsible police department would even consider sending him off alone to wipe his ass, let alone solve a murder.

            At least the bad guys are fun.  The murderous mercenary Keegan is played by Jason Momoa, who is clearly having a good time.  Christian Slater is corrupt lawyer Marcus Baptiste, and the criminal mastermind, Robert Nkomo Morel, is played by the always-fun Adewale Akinnouye-Agbaje.

            The other issue I have with Bullet to the Head is the pacing.  There are some genuinely fun scenes, but there's a fatal flaw where everything has to be slowly and careful forced down our throats.  There are no twists, no turns, not even any detours.  Yet at 91 minutes there were still about 15 minutes that could have been shaved off at no loss to the film.

            So is Bullet the the Head worth your time?  Well, it's certainly no classic cop/hitman film like Departed or Training Day but it does have its bright spots.  At least there's no Chris Tucker in this one.  Give it a rental and just remember, it's not a balls-to-the-wall action movie.  It's a poorly scripted drama with action elements.