Sucker Punch

I have found Zack Snyder's true fans, and none of them are old enough to drive.

Initially, I was planning on commenting on how much I hate PG-13.  I see them simply as a way for a studio to make money, and nothing more.  I wanted to vent my frustration that a PG-13 movie is either going to be an adult flick dumbed down, or a kid's flick that tried to keep too many swear words.  But then I saw Sucker Punch, and realized that yes, you could tell a PG-13 story that is perfectly appropriate for the rating.

Unfortunately, that story isn't necessarily a good one.  Nominally a story about inner strength and coping with terrible situations, Sucker Punch plays out like Inception meets cyberpunk, as written by a coked-out teenager.  This is where I start to fear for my sanity.  It's just a theory now, but I believe that as the summer deepens, movies get louder and dumber.  It will be the ones that speak with (at minimum) a coherent voice that will stand out from the pack.
After an admittedly fantastic opening sequence where nothing is said and the music is pure energy, our protagonist finds herself in an institution for the mentally insane.  Which, of course, looks like every other nuthouse shown on film in the last fifty years.  Dirty, dingy, solid concrete with flaking paint.  I am beginning to wonder if there isn't just one asylum set in Hollywood, and they just change out the furniture.
About twenty minutes in, I was honestly curious about where the plot was going and genuinely into the flick.  Unfortunately, that was when our heroine, Baby Doll, finally spoke, and it was all downhill from there.  The dialog is jerky and flimsy, makes little sense, and revolves around over-emoting while trying to look semi-convincing, rather than just confused. 
Fortunately there is Scott Glenn, who plays a wise old man.  He appears at the beginning of each 'adventure' portion of the film and acts as a field commander for the girls.  He tells them what needs to be done and then disappears.  You can actually see the amusement in his eyes.  It's like he is the only person in this movie who realized that it was a multi-million dollar B-movie.
You see, Baby Doll does not handle stress well, so she imagines reality a little differently.  The asylum becomes a roaring-twenties style dancehall, and every adventure she has while trying to escape morphs into a different location through her dancing.
Yes, I am not making any of that up.
The action scenes are fantastic, if a little full of Mr. Snyder's personal SUPER SLOW MO ACTION CLOSE-UP SHOT!  (For those of you who don't know, the slow-motion action shot is to Zack Snyder what explosions are to Michael Bay.)  Otherwise, I found myself at least enjoying the ridiculous locations and fight choreography.  Unfortunately, when each imaginary battle ended we were plunged back in the 'real' world of the dancehall and subjected to more terrible acting and ridiculous dialog.
On top of the bad lines, there was also a weird make-up effect.  Everyone either looked completely orange or vampire-pale with too much blush.  It was really odd.
However, if there is one thing I can recommend, it would be the soundtrack.  At one point during the film I was absolutely fed up with the whole 'let's remix good songs with techno beats!' direction that they had taken.  However, about the time they kicked a bass-heavy version of Bjork into the foreground, I realized that hell, at least this would sound ridiculous coming from my little Honda Fit.
Finally, a note on the crowd.  I went to the 5:30 Friday showing, so maybe I was a bit too early for those who were really anticipating Sucker Punch.  However, there was a group of half a dozen kids between 12-14 years of age in front of me who literally pooped their pants with awe the entire movie.  I swear one of them was actually hovering over his chair for the last five minutes, too excited to actually sit down.  When the film went to credits, they all jumped up and babbled together excitedly.  More than one of them pronounced Sucker Punch to be their new favorite movie, or the best movie ever made.
Cynically, or maybe a bit jealously, I wondered if they would feel the same way if their parents had let them see Watchmen or 300, which were just like Sucker Punch, only with better dialog and a little bit of nudity.